Thursday’s Children: 08.22.2013

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Hi.

We haven’t spoken in a while.

There are few reasons for this, and none of them good ones. I haven’t been around much because my personal life has undergone some massive changes lately, and also because I’ve been stressed about silly things.

But mostly because this is a blog hop about inspiration, and I just haven’t been inspired. I’ve been lost, and kind of scared to admit it.

Today, however, I am inspired, and I’m going to let you in on a secret. I started this post like three hours ago. I wrote almost the entire thing, and then I saved it as a draft. And I just deleted the last two thirds of it because it was all about not being inspired but then I got inspired, so here we are.

One thing that inspires (it’s not a sin to use the same word six times in three paragraphs, right?) me the most is letting go. I’ve been so caught up in other crap, I haven’t been writing. I haven’t been trying to write. I’ve been scared to try. Somehow, I let self-doubt and stress convince me that I am a terrible writer and I shouldn’t bother because what’s the point of finishing revisions if no one is ever going to buy the damn thing anyway?

Right.

So I just went to a counseling appointment with Kellin (his, not mine) and the counselor ended up asking me all kinds of questions that led to me crying and talking through all kinds of problems and once again, here we are. I’m all ready to finish my revisions and get back to my intense obsession with my characters and my love of the mania and my love of the craft.

Sometimes I think it’s easy to let everyday life and outside influences cloud your judgement, and we as artists tend to be extra sensitive to the opinions of others. But my mother has this saying, “I’ve been through some terrible things in my life, and some of them actually happened.” Well, that’s true. I for one am great at doubting myself into a corner, but I’ll never know how great I can be unless I try, right? So that’s what inspires me. Clarity. Letting go of the nonsense, and shutting out the noise.

Happy last Thursday’s Children, lovelies. I hope this reaches someone who needs to hear it right now.

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16 comments

  1. I am so there with you! Self doubt is a killer and it kills my mojo to write! Life always seems to get in the way with writing. I am glad you are jumping back in!! All the hugs!! This post has helped so much. πŸ™‚

  2. Awww, Jessie! I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been going through all this doubt. You are an awesome writer–you wouldn’t be agented by the fantastic Eric if you weren’t! Even though I’d dying to see SHADOW on the shelves one day and obsess over your characters, I’m positively sure that whatever you write is going to break into the market. Just keep writing! (but you already knew that πŸ™‚ ).

  3. Yep, definitely hard to shut those voices out some times, your very own personal haters who know ALL your deepest fears. But you must, and sometimes the best way is just to LOVE your story and your characters, and not even think about judging them, or having others judge them, until it’s done and time for revisions.

  4. I have read your book, a few times as you well know. It has only gotten better and better. You can write circles around many authors I have read! Now that you are in love, in turmoil, insane: now is the time to push all that into your words. You are fantastic, don’t let your mental goons trip you up! I love you!

  5. I love your mother’s saying. I’ve been stuck in the middle of a bunch of family drama–well, this spring is was my family and now it’s my husband’s family. This isn’t normal for us and it’s really put a damper on thinking straight and finding the zone when I sit down to write. I’ve also found that as amazing and wonderful it is to have an agent, it’s also added a new kind of pressure. LOL. Being on submission has made the head monkeys go crazy full force.

    Yeah, you right, it’s easy to let silly stuff steal our creativity and judgement.

  6. Aw, Jessie! *HUGS*

    I usually hit that point about halfway through my first draft, then again about halfway through revisions. The words “drivel” and “putrid shit” start popping up in my internal monologue a lot.

    I’m glad you were able to work through it! You’re way too talented and have way too much to say to listen to those pesky naysayers in your head!

  7. I recently went through a writing funk as well. I. Just. Couldn’t. Get. Anywhere. I’d lost my connection to my story and my characters. And LOST is the only way to describe it.

    I’m back now. I’m not sure what changed, but something did. So, yes, here’s to clarity and letting go! *Clink* So nice meeting you through TC – will be sure to say hi through Cyberland from time to time πŸ™‚

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